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How to Have a Healthy Self-esteem Without Affirmations

Affirmations suck!

You can’t get your mind to believe in something without offering it some evidence first.

I’m not even going to go into the fact that affirmations can be bad for you. In terms of developing a healthy self-esteem, affirmations can do more harm than good.

Your mind a) already has a specific belief about who you are. b) has evidence (real or imaginary) to support this.

And the process of challenging those evidence-based-beliefs includes more than repeating positive beliefs and words.

Your mind will hardly believe in positive affirmations because a) it already has opposing, conflicting beliefs. b) it has nothing to prove it. It will consider them as lies and, as a result, it will make you feel worse about yourself.

Not only are you a piece of shit. You are a liar, too.

To induce real change, you need actions. Real actions that can be considered as evidence to support the healthy beliefs you want to have about yourself.  Read More

What If You Are Not Good Enough?

It is a scary idea. Ugly, even.

And by “it”, I mean the painful, dreadful idea that you are probably not good enough. And I believe that your imagination is, ironically, good enough at finding other adjectives than “good” to fill in. Adjectives like, “smart, tall, pretty, rich …etc.”

But I bet you have thought of it before, pondered on it, and almost believed it one night when you were feeling very vulnerable and weak. Read More

Stop assuming people don’t like you to solve 90% of your social problems.

This is a guest post by Timon. He writes about social skills and confidence. Check his bio under the article.

You go to the coffee shop, grab your coffee from the counter and are about to take a seat.

What’s that? Hey, that girl is reading Harry Potter. Awesome, you love those books!

Let’s have a chat with her.

Or,.. no,.. she will probably not like that. She is reading, right? She won’t like you anyway.

Never mind. You’ll just take your coffee and go.

Would be cool if you could have talked though, but she won’t like you anyway.

Why doesn’t anybody like you Read More

Stop Being A Frog in Your Relationships

In the 19 century, a few experiments were aimed at observing frogs’ reactions to slowly heated water.

They found that frogs tend to not jump out of the pan if the water was heated slowly but steady.

The frogs will get used to the water’s temperature. As soon as they do, the temperature increases slightly (and almost in a subtle way). When it increases, they get used to the new temperature…

…Until the water reaches the boiling point. That’s when the shit breaks loose! Read More

Do You Need A Reason To Appreciate Yourself?

I pondered on this question for a while, “do I need a reason to appreciate myself or can I just appreciate myself unconditionally?”

Appreciating yourself is a byproduct of a healthy self-esteem.

I couldn’t believe those who claim that we can appreciate ourselves just like that. Without any reason. You can’t sit there and appreciate your lazy ass without doing anything with your life! Read More

How to Find Your Way Out of The Negative Emotions

“Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor…I am Pagliacci.” ― Alan Moore, Watchmen

I’m sure you’ve experienced some, if not a lot of, negative emotions throughout your life.

And I’m also sure you wished you could make them stop or go away.

If you are like the majority of people, me included, you’ve tried to numb them using anything from social media to drugs or socializing or even becoming a workaholic.

That, of course, didn’t work. Read More

Are You Living In A Circus?

The circus is fun.

Well, I don’t know much about circuses and this article isn’t about judging the circus and its people.

However, there’s an imaginary circus that we sometimes create and live inside of it.

We create it inside of our minds, of course. And we act as if we’re living in it, and as a result our general behavior is guided by the fact that we’re living in that circus.

In terms of self-esteem, it’s bad to live in such circus.

And here’s the catch.

Read More