Let’s do something fun. But scary at the same time.
Fun because of the possibility of hearing interesting stories. Scary because of how horrifying, and relatable, those interesting stories might be.
Let’s grab the hands of some adults and bring them back to childhood. To their childhood. We want to get them to remember some of their childhood to answer one question.
Let’s get the parents, too. Let’s get the old friends. The new friends. The important people in those adult’s lives. Their closest friends. The person reading this article on the internet right now.
Going from “I hate myself” to “I don’t hate myself” is an important journey.
It’s important because it’s mostly about raising your self-esteem and working on self-love.
A lot has been written about self-love and self-acceptance and how to get there. But let’s, in this article, explore the other world of self-hatred so we can understand it better.
I came across an online forum where someone had asked, “How can I raise my self-esteem?”
This person had many questions in mind while asking this question.
He is probably wondering why on earth he ended up having a low self-esteem. He is wondering how he can have a high self-esteem. And maybe, just maybe, he has a little voice in his head wondering if he actually can have a high self-esteem after all the bad things he knows about himself.
Before You Read This Article
This is not the type of article in which I will tell you, “Fuck your family!! They are a bunch of crazy fucking people!!!”
And, equally, this is not the type of article where I will tell you to “just forgive them” and be their slave and pet.
I understand that, as Tolstoy pointed out, every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Your hatred towards your family can be different than the person next to you. Therefore, don’t expect to find one solution for all the family problems.
Life is a Toilet It’s full of shit (a.k.a, flaws). But technically, we are the ones who fill it with our shit and thus we are full of shit as well. So, don’t hate yourself, or the world, if you…
Shame storms are shitty.
There is a creepy feeling of unworthiness that attacks you when you screw up or do something wrong.
You start looking down at yourself. You feel as if you have betrayed yourself. You feel that you don’t deserve any of the things you want.
This feeling can be intense enough to be believed. Its message is, “You are bad and you are hopeless. Nobody ever is going to think you are good. You can’t be good after all this.”
Have you ever been to a war before?
Most people reading this probably have not.
So let me ask you another question.
Have you ever watched a movie about wars?
You know, where there are soldiers in the field and a lot of dead bodies and body’s parts.
1. Not Asking For Help
When it comes to self-development, there is a lot to be said about the “lone wolf” mentality. Or the “being independent” attitude.
But it all comes down to this: you are strong and you can do it on your own. You don’t need anybody’s help (even, or especially, those who care about you). In fact, needing someone’s help means that you are weak.
And that is garbage. This is a claim that I can support, in fact.
Have you ever looked into the mirror, saw a strange face, and whispered to yourself, “I feel nothing”?
It was like you weren’t happy or sad.
You weren’t depressed or excited, and sure you weren’t miserable or satisfied. You just felt nothing.
You look at all the people who complain about their emotions and how miserable they are. And you wonder what’s wrong with those people.
And you look at those who describe their emotions as euphoric feelings and you have no clue how that feels like.
Let’s first state the fact that all of us have our own emotional problems. That is, all of us are little crazy to some extent.
None of us is an exception.
Some suffer more than others. Some manage to cope with their problems in a good way.
The goal is not to totally eliminate our emotional problems; the goal is to handle them in a healthier way.
That said, I’ve seen that there are unhealthy patterns which will make you crazier and more neurotic. Patterns that are unhealthy for your emotional health.
You can’t get your mind to believe in something without offering it some evidence first.
I’m not even going to go into the fact that affirmations can be bad for you. In terms of developing a healthy self-esteem, affirmations can do more harm than good.
Your mind a) already has a specific belief about who you are. b) has evidence (real or imaginary) to support this.
And the process of challenging those evidence-based-beliefs includes more than repeating positive beliefs and words.
Your mind will hardly believe in positive affirmations because a) it already has opposing, conflicting beliefs. b) it has nothing to prove it. It will consider them as lies and, as a result, it will make you feel worse about yourself.
Not only are you a piece of shit. You are a liar, too.
To induce real change, you need actions. Real actions that can be considered as evidence to support the healthy beliefs you want to have about yourself.