9 Books That Will Help You Have a Healthy Self-esteem and Feel More Confident
Below are the books that have:
- Helped me become a better person.
- Helped me write all the articles on this site.
All the books below are books that I have read, or currently reading, and have found helpful in terms of self-esteem and self-confidence. They are books that truly worth your time.
Without these books, I probably would not have learned the lessons I had learned or improved the way I had improved. Without them, I would not have written this site or anything.
I am not a fan of the tips and the tricks. I like the books that help you change your mindset and mentality. More specifically, the books that make you look at yourself, and life, in a different way.
By reading them, you can have your own ‘aha!’ moment where you come to realize who you are and what you need to do (and hopefully why).
Whenever I read a book that I feel will help you in terms of self-esteem, or that will just help you become a better person, I’ll add it to this page.
Here you go…
Then I’ve watched, after a long time actually, her Ted talk about vulnerability.
Right afterward, I’ve got her book The Gifts of Imperfection. It was amazing. Some of the most profound lessons I’ve learned from that book were about perfection and numbing emotions.
The pursuit of perfection is a form of shame. It means you want to perform and please, not improve and excel. If you numb the difficult painful emotions, you will not be able to tolerate the strong, positive emotions and you are more likely to numb them as well.
For Daring Greatly, it’s was one hell of a ride.
Shame is a universal emotion. We all feel it. And when we add up that our culture is promoting scarcity, we easily can feel shame and feel that we are not good enough……Read More
2.The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck
He challenges in this book, as in his articles, many self-help notions that have made self-help counterproductive.
It’s a book that is based on values, and this is what I like about it. Values control the way we think and act. And it all comes down to choosing the right values and weeding out the shitty ones.
The whole idea of not giving a fuck is about choosing what to value and what not to value (hint: what to not give a fuck about). The freedom of choosing your values comes with the consequences of being responsible for your actions and being vulnerable to pain and discomfort as a price for growing and learning.
The main idea I got was about the values. But the way Mark illustrates the effect of the values in all the areas of your life is amazing. So, don’t worry. The book covers a wide range of topics and not just essays about values. That along with personal stories and other nice stories…..Read More
3.The Gifts of Imperfection
It introduced me to the concepts of shame, vulnerability, fear, and courage. I’ve always heard of them from self-development books. But never did I internalize them until I came across this book.
The idea of shame was totally new to me. The fact that we all have it, and the fact that it grows when we don’t talk about it, have made my head spin.
And as I’ve said above, the most important lessons I’ve learned were about perfection and numbing emotions to avoid vulnerability.
I’ve never thought of perfection as a form of shame. Never have I thought that perfectionists are afraid and ashamed. I’ve always praised myself for being a perfectionist…..Read More
Although Models is a dating book for men, it’ll help you a lot with self-esteem and self-confidence. Not only because dating is one of the areas that we struggle emotionally with, but also because it includes valuable concepts.
Mark takes the ideas of vulnerability and base a large part of the book on them. He also illustrates how real high self-esteem and real self-confidence should look like. The type of confidence that makes men become irresistibly attractive.
Because let’s face it, to become an attractive man, you need confidence. To become attractive and form healthy relationships, you need high self-respect.
He defines confidence, or attractiveness, or that thing which makes men attractive, as, “being less invested in other’s opinions, and being more invested in your own opinion of yourself.” I can write a +5000 words philosophical post on this because I like it so much…..Read More
5.The Charisma Myth
This is not one of my favorite topics. I’m a fond of the books that change your mentality and make you think differently. And I don’t like the books that teach you how to act on the surface and neglect the mentality and the intentions.
I always downplay the importance of the charisma. It doesn’t make a great person or a great leader. What is important, I believe, is the character.
But lately, I’ve come to realize that it’s important. Not more important than the character or the intentions, but important nonetheless.
I needed charisma when I started my career as a teacher 7 months ago. It’s important when it comes to human’s communication. It’s important to demonstrate your competence. And it’s important to be respected, obeyed, and followed.
I thought that my great ideas deserve to be demonstrated in a great way. Because even if you have the best ideas in the world, you need to demonstrate them in a charismatic way……Read More
6.No More Mr. Nice Guy
Dr. Glover explains that in details. He explains that by introducing what he calls, “The nice guy syndrome.” It’s clear that this book is for guys, but the ladies can read it to understand who they might end up dating.
One of the very first concepts that Dr. Glover explains is the idea of toxic shame. He says that nice guys grow up with an internalized sense of toxic shame. They feel that they are bad.
It’s probably the same shame idea discussed in Daring Greatly and The Gifts of Imperfection. It’s just here related to little children and how to cope with it as they grow up and become adults.
Then everything the nice guy does is about coping with this toxic shame. Throughout the years, they develop coping mechanisms that are supposed to help them. But they end up hurting them even more. And instead of changing what they are doing, they just try harder…..Read More
And most importantly, to understand the way relationships, love, and dating in general work. And it did give me a lot of insights.
The book is based on attachment theory. One of the authors is a board-certified in adult psychiatry and is a member of the American Psychiatric Association, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, and the Society for Neuroscience. The other author holds a B.A. in behavioral sciences (psychology, anthropology, and sociology) and an M.A. degree in social-organizational psychology from Columbia University.
The attachment theory says that we, in terms of being attached to a partner, are divided into 4 types:….Read More
8.Insecure In Love
- The anxious type.
- The avoidant type.
- The anxious-avoidant type.
- The secure type.
Those types are explained in that book in details. I also explained them, and how they interact with each other, in details when I reviewed the book Attached.
This book, Insecure in Love, talks about attachment theory in general but it specifically focuses on the anxious type. The author of this book is a licensed psychologist, author, and speaker. She also writes The Art of Relationships blog for WebMD.
The anxious type wants too much closeness in relationships. At the same time, they have a negative self-image. And to make things worse, they have positive image of the people around them. That means they look up at the people they date and they look down at their own selves……Read More
9.The Art of Change (My Book)
This book has changed my life not because I read but because I wrote it.
On the first page of this book, I wanted to write something, in a few words, that describes the next 121 pages.
Something that makes reading the next 121pages actually worth it.
Here’s what I wrote:
“To the warriors.
To the ones who refuse to live a life that they’re not proud of.
To those who go against the social norms, not because of the spotlight, but to follow what their guts is telling them.
To those who are different.
To those who want to grow and improve.
To everyone struggling and fighting in order to become a better person and to live a better life”
If you recognize yourself, read along.