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3 Good Emotions That Most People Think are Bad

Photo by Roi Dimor on Unsplash

Emotions don’t always have to feel good.

Or more ironically, they don’t have to feel good in order to call them good emotions.

For instance, the next 3 emotions feel terrible. Most people hate them. Say their name and most people will ask you, “how do we get rid of them?”

However, I dare to call them good because they can be used to produce good results in your life.

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5 Ways to Destroy Your Self-esteem (And Your Emotional Health)

There are many enemies to your self-esteem and general emotional and mental health.

However, some dangerous enemies go unnoticed. We don’t talk about them enough and let them sabotage our lives.

This list highlights 5 toxic mentalities and behaviors.

These behaviors and mentalities will gradually modify your beliefs about yourself. To the worst!

If you care about your self-esteem and mental health, deal with the below list seriously. Read More

How to Have a Positive Self-image: The Only Tip You Need

How to have a positive self-imageThere is a lot to be said about how to how to have a positive self-image.

You can find many and many tips and articles.

You can find articles telling you to repeat affirmations. And you can find articles telling you to go out there and do some hard work to earn that healthy self-image.

If you’ve been reading WorthyInside for any length of time, you probably know that I’m against the affirmations and the lazy approach; I prefer doing the hard work.

A healthy self-image will come only through certain behaviors and mentalities.

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How to Handle People who make you feel insecure

Learning how to deal with people who make you feel insecure is a valuable skill. Not only will it save your self-esteem but also it’ll help you have better social life.

There are people who have this harmful gift of making you feel insecure about yourself.

No matter how good you are feeling about yourself, they manage to make you feel small and inadequate.

I said earlier that your self-image affects the way you interact with other people. Also, your interactions with others will affect your self-image as well.

Spending too much time with people who make you feel insecure will surely damage your self-esteem.

It’s very important to learn how to spot the people who make you feel insecure. It’s also extra important to know why those people make you feel this way and what to do.

In this article, I’m going to show you who are those people. Also, I’m going to show you how to act when you feel insecure because of someone else.

Contrary to common belief, handling those people is not about them at all. It’s all about knowing why you are feeling insecure around them in the first place and then doing something about that, as we’re going to see. (Read: What to Do When You Lose Your Self-Confidence)

Why Certain People Make You Feel Insecure

There are many different cases. Sometimes it’s about the person you’re dealing with. Other times it’s about your perception. And sometimes it’s both.

Below, we’re going to discuss 3 cases where you feel insecure because of someone else’s company or presence. (Read: I Get Defensive When People Judge Me)

What matters is not the situation or the other person. What matters is what you’re going to do about it. Because what you’ll do will is what will affect your self-image positively or negatively.

They Are Mentally Unstable

There are people who are already insecure and mentally unstable. And they project their insecurities onto others.

They have issues, probably with their self-image. And they just manage to make those are around them feel small and worthless.

Narcissists. Psychopaths. Attention seekers. Players. Emotionally abusive people/partners/parents/friends.

The common trait between all these people is not only that they are assholes. It’s that they all have self-esteem issues and probably feel unworthy deep inside.

But that is not what makes them mentally unstable.

What really makes them mentally unstable is that they’re trying to compensate for their weakness by appearing strong. Even if it meant making other people feel small. Even if it meant manipulating and using and hurting other people. (Read: How to Be Assertive: Assertiveness and Self-Image)

Usually, they are charming and they seem so strong on the outside. And this is yet another reason you don’t consider them as ‘toxic people’. Well, they have to be charming to make other people think they are strong. After all, that’s where they derive their self-worth from.

Their inflated ego, which is inflated because they actually feel small, makes them feel at the center of the universe.

They can make awful comments about you. They can put you down. They can manipulate you and control you. They can blackmail you emotionally.

They can make you feel like you’re nothing. They can make you feel like you’re nothing without them.

They manage to make you feel bad about yourself. Sometimes without saying a word; you just feel something is wrong with you when you interact with them.

What to do? Walk away! Don’t stick around thinking that you’re doing something wrong. Don’t stick around trying to change them. Don’t try to gain their approval and don’t even give them your approval.

As soon as you realize that someone is making you feel bad about yourself… Oh, wait! Let me put it in other words. As soon as you realize that someone is being an asshole, cut them off.

They will hate you for it, but it doesn’t matter. Your mental health and self-image are more important.

Not to forget, those people can be close family members or close friends. They can be people who you’ve known for a long time and now you call them friends. Well, they don’t have to be friends anymore if they’re hurting you in that way.

Being family, or being friends for a long time, or being friends since kindergarten, or being coworkers, or roommates, or classmates, or anything, doesn’t justify getting treated poorly and made feel insecure and small.

Those people are mentally unstable. Mentally unstable people will make you a mentally unstable person. If you stick around, you’re just like them. As simple as that.

Be assertive and set strong boundaries. Don’t accept any relationship, even a superficial one, with someone who makes feel like you’re nobody.

Find the mentally stable and secure people around you. Those who bring the best in you. Those who respect you and never make you feel bad about yourself. Even if they’re criticizing you or giving you an advice, it doesn’t feel as an insult. They do exist. Find them and stick around them.

(Note: whenever the advice feels like the other person is putting you down and criticizing you, it’s not an advice. When the other person is giving an advice from the place of superiority, it’s not an advice. It’s a sign to walk away.)

They Have What You Want

When someone has something that you want, you’ going to feel jealous. Even if just a little bit.

It could be a certain skill, a certain achievement, a certain personality trait, or whatever. You want it bad and you meet someone who has it. You’re going to feel insecure to some extent. That’s normal.

(What’s not normal is envying that person and wishing that he loses what you don’t have.)

For instance, I love public speaking and I always try to become a better public speaker.

I’m now satisfied with my public speaking skills; I’ve improved a lot since I’d started. Not an outstanding public speaker yet, but I’m above average and doing my best to improve even more.

But it wasn’t always this way. At the beginning, I was very scared and not that confident.

And there was this guy who was super confident and also a great speaker. The words flow out of his mouth effortlessly. He steals the lights whenever he holds the mic. His confidence is flawless and his charisma will inevitably draw you in.

I was jealous! I was insecure!

Sure, I didn’t hate him or something. It was the opposite, I actually liked him and respected him a lot. I just felt insecure around him, especially during public speeches.

You see, I considered, and still consider, public speaking an important skill. Back then, I sucked at it. And seeing this guy was a consistent reminder to me of who I wanted to become.

This can happen to you and it’s pretty normal.

You want something (e.g. a personality trait or a certain achievement). Then, you meet someone who has that thing.

It’s pretty normal to feel insecure in such case. That’s why all of us feel insecure from time to time.

What to do? Know that it is normal, we all feel it from time to time. It’s a good type of insecurity if you know how to use it right. Don’t let it turn into hatred where you wish harm to that person.

And also, don’t let it destroy you. Use it as a driving force. Without those feelings of insecurity, there would be no motivation to become better.

I once read an advice given to those who don’t know what to do with their lives. It says that you just have to look at those you feel jealous of or insecure around. You’ll, then, figure out the things that you want. Work on getting them and let this insecurity push you.

In brief, feel this insecurity and let it motivate you to become better. Don’t let it destroy you and don’t let it turn into hatred.

It’s You!

Your perception governs the way you see the world

In other words, your perception will shape your reality.

Sometimes we twist things around to support a strong belief that we have. We focus only on things that verify our already existing beliefs.

We’ll have errors in our perception. We’re not seeing the reality. We’re seeing a version of what we believe is the reality according to our existing beliefs.

So, as soon as someone believes that he/she is worthless, they will start looking for ways to verify this belief. They will focus on certain things, remember certain things, and interrupt information in a certain way.

Those are called cognitive distortions.

This way, you can feel insecure around a lot of people. Not because of them or what they do; because you’re seeing reality in a distorted way. A distorted way that verifies your negative beliefs about yourself.

You’ll focus on every time someone ignores you. You’ll remember all the times people ignored you. You’ll interrupt every sign as a proof of why you are not worthy or flawed somehow.

What to do? It’s about those around you. It’s about your own perception. You’re already feeling small and you’re looking for ways to verify that.

You’ll find evidence to support your belief. And if you don’t, you’ll make up evidence using your distorted perception.

Work on eliminating those cognitive distortions and you’ll start seeing things for what they really are.

Here is an article that explains cognitive distortions:

Also, the more you work on your self-esteem, the less are you going to have those distortions.

For instance, someone with a healthy self-image won’t be affected by a negative opinion about his personality that much. He will take the constructive feedback if there was any or just shrug it off. He won’t be affected if someone ignored him. He won’t overthink it in his head.

Mark Manson, in his book Models, described how people who are too invested in other people’s opinions of them value the opinion of others of them more than they value their own opinion of themselves.

Thus, if this opinion is negative, their entire self-esteem will shatter because it’s based on it.

As you work on building a solid self-confidence, you’ll start having a different kind of perception. A perception that supports and sees the good in you.

That’s a good perception because it’s useful. It’s worth working very hard in order to have it.

Conclusion

If you feel insecure around people in general or around specific people, you need to be careful.

It’ll affect your self-image negatively. It’ll reinforce the negative self-image.

You need to know how to deal with such situation. Because if you don’t, you’re going to feel insecure around most people and ruin your social life.

Dealing with such situations is about knowing why you are feeling insecure in the first place. Then, based on why you are feeling this way, you do something to resolve the reasons for this insecurity.

We discussed 3 possible reasons in this article. In most cases, you’re going to have one of these reasons. With each reason, a solution was offered.

Work on that solution. Connection with others and social life can affect your self-image stronger than anything. Don’t let that effect be negative.

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Why You Should Never Give Up On Yourself

Never give up on yourself

I’m not here to promise you that all your dreams will come true.

I’m not here to promise you that you’ll be that super confident, super attractive, super rich, super famous, super funny, or super anything.

And I’m not here to guarantee anything. What you want out of life? Who knows if you’ll get it. Who do you want to be? It’s hard to think about it when you’re living the life of who you don’t want to be.

Maybe, in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

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How to Be Assertive And Not Get Walked Over

How to Be Assertive

One of the traits that will cost you your self-esteem is the lack of assertiveness.

Without assertiveness, people will step over you and you’ll not get your needs met.

When you get stepped over and not get your needs met, your self-esteem will suffer a great deal.

After all, you’re allowing others to get away with what they should not have got away with. What does that say about your self-esteem?

It will contribute to a low self-esteem and it will even cause a low self-esteem. Read More

Why Self-compassion Is The Best Thing You Can Ever Do

Self-compassion quick test:

How do you deal with yourself after making a mistake, after failing, after feeling like you’re small, and after screwing up generally?

If you practice self-compassion, you’ll still feel bad but you’ll not give up on yourself. You’ll not feel worthless or useless. And more importantly, you’ll get up and do something about your situation.

That will contribute to the way you see yourself positively.

If you’re not practicing self-compassion, it’ll be totally different.

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Hey, You Are Not Alone

This site contains a lot of informative articles.

I do my best to offer solutions, based on facts, for the poor self-image issue.

However, sometimes we need something personal that gets people to relate instead of only lecturing them.

This is why I wrote this article.

I want to share a thought about the idea of dealing with a poor self-image. An idea that will help you as you fight your way through a negative self-image to a healthy one.

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How Clearly Do You Think You See The World?

I have scary news.

We don’t actually see things as they are. We don’t even see. We perceive.

Your eyes, ears, and the rest of the senses receive the information from the outside world and send it to the brain. The brain, then, has to interpret these inputs.

The brain does that based on your already existing beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and even moods. That’s what we call perception.

And our perception usually doesn’t represent reality accurately. That’s because our senses can’t make sense of everything. There will always be a percentage of toxic and biased beliefs. Read More